i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
