i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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