I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
