Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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