i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
