i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we're making bets on your personal life
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
