Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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