REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
