So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
