Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
