man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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