Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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