it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
