I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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