she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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