'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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