Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
