whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
