dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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