I just cut my nipple shaving
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
