Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
