ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i think im in europe. pls send help
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