I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
