He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
