Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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