WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
too bad you live with your parents still
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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