For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found the puke drawer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
