4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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