You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
