Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
