i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This house was built for laser tag.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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