sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
