The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
