saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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