So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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