How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
