I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
