i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
