Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize