Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize