you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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