Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
