How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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