I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
