I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
