Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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