I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize