If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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