So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
