____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
