if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
