and i looked up. we had an audience...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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