i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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