We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Pants are for mortals
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