my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
