It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
