Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
