after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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