She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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