It's Friday. Sex?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
