So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
