In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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