I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
