So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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