The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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