i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
