Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
