Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize