A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
