sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
