Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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