hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
