I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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