I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
