Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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