hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
