I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
