I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
