We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
