I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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