i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
