he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
