I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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