Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
