mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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