in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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