Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
