She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
