My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
