I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i believe in u and ur pee
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
