My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
