I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
