Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
