I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
