we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
