yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
