Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
