like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
