Im at strip club and am horny
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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