i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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