yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
