I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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