Who did Billy Mays play for?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm too high and old for this...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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