The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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