Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
