3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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