your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
