I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize