Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
