do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize