I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
