So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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